


Growing Pains

by everybody_koiya



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:21:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22121005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everybody_koiya/pseuds/everybody_koiya
Summary: The Doctor opened her eyes. This was a new habit of hers when she got worked up, listing every single one of her companions until she calmed down, asking herself what they would do. So far, it felt effective. She walked up to the man sitting on a chair in front of her, who waited with his hands in his lap, a smug grin on his face but tears in his eyes."Come on then, sweetheart. Hurt me. Beat me. Kiss me, if you will. But that doesn't make me any less right.""I'm sorry." she said.
Relationships: The Doctor/The Master (Doctor Who), Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan), Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan, Twelfth Doctor/Missy
Comments: 18
Kudos: 195





	Growing Pains

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a firm believer that the Spymaster is between Saxon and Missy, but just in case he isn't... I had to get this out of my system.

"It's over, you know. This sick game of yours." The Doctor snarled. "I will not let you anywhere near them ever again."

"Oh, I may have heard that before... literally every single time we meet." grinned the Master.

"And I will say it again if I need to!" she stepped closer. "You will not lay a finger on my family. You have done enough."

The Time Lord's laughter echoed in the empty room.

"Your family? Need I remind you who your family is? Your parents. Your siblings. Your wife, your children and their children and _me_! " The Doctor flinched as he screamed that last word. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. " _We_ were your family! And you know what you did? Do you remember, Doctor? You took the only person you could talk into following you and left the rest of us to rot!" 

_Susan. Barbara. Ian. Vicki. Steven—_

"You went off because you were bored of being lucky and having the good life the rest of us only dreamed of! You left them alone until the Time War, Doctor! They waited for you! And remember what happened after?" 

_Romana. Adric. Nyssa. Tegan. Turlough—_

"They burned. They were killed and you weren't there. You couldn't save them, not even by saving Gallifrey. You failed them, you know! All of them believed you were a good man and you betrayed them!"

_Rose. Jack. Mickey. Martha. Donna—_

"Now you're travelling the universe, looking for replacements. But they're burnt into the back of your mind. I know they are. And as long as you're alive, they will haunt you. You'll never have enough. Never fulfill that void, can you hear me? Never."

_Bill. Grace. Ryan. Graham. Yaz._

The Doctor opened her eyes. This was a new habit of hers when she got worked up, listing every single one of her companions until she calmed down, asking herself what they would do. So far, it felt effective. She walked up to the man sitting on a chair in front of her, who waited with his hands in his lap, a smug grin on his face but tears in his eyes.

"Come on then, sweetheart. Hurt me. Beat me. Kiss me, if you will. But that doesn't make me any less right."

"I'm sorry." she said. The Master chuckled in disbelief.

"What?" he said. "This is all you can say, 'I'm sorry'? You've killed your whole family, Doctor, that's hardly something you can fix with a sorry!" 

"And it's hardly something you care about."

The Master's smile disappeared under his old friend's serious gaze. 

"I'm sorry if I was pushing you too hard to change. That you had no choice but to leave with him. Saxon. I just... I really thought that it could work this time. I was so proud of you." she sighed. Meanwhile, the Master furrowed his brows, looking confused.

"Hold on a second, wait." he stood up. "Did you _honestly_ think I chose that weasel in the end?" 

Now it was the Doctor's turn to be confused.

"You didn't?" she asked.

"Dearest, what do you think I showed you that blade for?" he chuckled, taking the Doctor's hand as he did then. 

"I thought you were threatening me!" she cracked a smile.

"That was for him! I stabbed him. Didn't work out very well..."

They both went silent as the Doctor realised just what actually went down behind her back. She looked at him softly, regretfully, squeezing his hand to encourage him to go on. He smiled.

"He wasn't always this bad, you know. He thought about this, too, when he saved you from Rassilon. But he wasn't ready for that kind of change yet. He didn't believe anyone could honestly love him again, or that he still had it in him to love anyone after all the damage he'd done. So when I told him I wanted to stand with you, because yes, I did, I really did, he... well, he shot me in the back, with that screwdriver of his. Told me not to bother regenerating, because I couldn't. He... _I_ was bluffing. I hoped I'd be naive enough to believe myself, at least in the final moments, so I wouldn't go back to you. So I wouldn't make an effort to fight and change. And I did." 

"Stand with me..." she whispered to herself in disbelief. Missy wanted to be with him. The Scotsman. She wanted him. Why couldn't she say it then, say it sooner? He'd have taken her in without the shadow of a doubt, been with her as long as there was world enough and time for the two of them to exist together. He would've loved her as long as he had even just one heart to love her with. 

"I laid there, in the dirt. I gave in. And I felt it come, you know. Death. It was terrifying, how it began to take over me. Then everything went up in flames and I knew you were still there. That you did it. You saved everyone. There's nobody else quite so mad who would do it. Only you." he smiled, hand letting go of the Doctor's slowly. 

The Doctor felt her eyes welling up. She wished she had known then, she wished she had understood Missy's message. Everything would be so much different now.

"I got my hopes up. I waited for you to come, to help me, I refused to die until I saw you again. But you never came. I figured you must have left, that you didn't care if I lived or died and gave up all hope in me ever being good. So... I gave up mine in you."

Another person on the list of those who died in the name of the Doctor. Fantastic. All she ever wanted. And her mind wouldn't stop echoing something Missy told her ages ago. _Without hope. Without witness. Without reward. I am your friend._

"How did you get out of there?" she managed to ask, barely louder than a whisper.

"Escape pod a few floors up. Slipped into the lift once the Cybermen got out of it. Landed in London, met O, and... you know the rest." he scratched the back of his neck.

"Yeah, yeah, killed a man, regenerated to look like him, got a TARDIS, made a fool of me and nearly killed all of us. Nothing new." she rolled her eyes, making him giggle.

"And yet you fall for it every single time." smiled the Master.

The Doctor, for the first time in a very long while, didn't know what else to say. She loved the Master, _Koschei_ , God knows she always will. But he was her past. And she couldn't bear to live in it any longer. Her future lied with her Fam, these wonderful people she loved so dearly. Her Yaz, who made even the worst of moments and the most terrifying of journeys worth it. This, right now, between the Master and her, had to end.

But... what if she didn't want it to end yet?

The Doctor's cheeks were stained with tears before she noticed. Just as she was about to wipe them off, the Master pulled her in his arms without saying a word. As she buried her face into his shoulder, fingers clutching his shirt tight, she felt a warm hand rub circles into her back and a kiss being pressed into her disheveled hair. If someone told her yesterday that, out of all people, the Master would hold her as she cried, she'd probably laugh, but in that very moment, she was very grateful for both him and his silence. Maybe he needed it just as much.

* * *

"Were you really proud of me?" he asked her later.

"Yes, hard as it is to believe. I hope you didn't throw away everything you've learned, while you were busy being cross with me." Her lips curled up into a shy little smile.

"I still mean it, you know. Standing with you. I think I could do it." he admitted quietly. She raised a hand to cup his face.

"I can't say yes to that. Not yet. I have to be sure." she told him, and he nodded. "I have a duty of care. I hope you understand."

"So I've heard. Plus I can think of another reason why you don't let me near Yaz anymore." he laughed as the Doctor hit him in the arm. "Okay, okay, I get it. Lay low. I can do that... maybe. But I can definitely try!" 

The Doctor laughed, more bittersweet than happy. She missed this, more than she would've been proud to admit.

"I'll hold you to that, if you don't mind." She stepped closer to him. If she was going to try and move on, there was one last thing she wanted to do. Something they hadn't done since that night on the TARDIS, sometime between Scotland and the Cybermen.

She pressed her lips to his, not at all surprised how eager he was to return it. That one never changes, no matter how much time has passed. She smiled as she pulled away.

"Doctor!" As she heard it, heading towards the door, she turned on her heels, back to him. "Don't be a stranger." 

She pulled her phone out of her coat pocket, and sent a quick message to the contact still saved as O, before walking away.

_"O"K :)_

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT (6/January/2020) The saving Gallifrey part hits differently after Spyfall pt. 2... I did NOT expect THAT.


End file.
